Wit & Humor :Can You Come Up With Some Funniest Lines From Stand-up Comics?
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This morning, I had a dose of this Aphrodisiac: ( not just Mere silly Jokes but Real Wit & Humor)
1." I'll Clean House when Sears makes a Vacuum you can
ride on" ( Roseanne)
2. Men can read maps better than women.'Cause only the Male Mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles" - ( Roseanne, Again) .Like Lawn-Mower?
3. Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, " You're ONLY interested in ONE thing, " and you can't remember what it is. ( Milton Berle)
Can you Come up with your fav. ones?
Over to You all!
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'Like Lawn-Mower' should go under 'Vacuum Cleaner' that one can ride on..
Let me give you some advice about Paris France. Chapeau is hat. Ouef is eggs. Fromage is cheese. It's like...those French have a different word for everything.
-Steve Martin
I'm not as good of a swimmer as I used to be, you know, thanks to evolution.
-Emo Phillips
A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a picture of earth on it...on the back he wrote...wish you were here.
-Steven Wright
The security guard told me I was blocking the fire exit. As if there was a fire I wasn't going to run. If you have legs and are flammable, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedburg
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with sh*t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit responds that he does not. So the bear takes the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.
-Eddie Murphy (joke for the kids in the audience)
I don't like to travel, everybody, I just don't. I think it is cause my dad used to beat me with a globe. Wha? Stay with me folks.
-Dave Attel
